crush

i'd like to go to the hospital
i'll stand in an empty room and think about the last time i looked into their eyes

recently, everyone i got close to's been dying
don't like feeling their last breaths
fluttering my bangs
a ghost
lights in their eyes fading

when they realize i'm in the room they'll assume i'm another patient
and wrap me in a robe, in blankets, iv port docked
so i can finally be hydrated

and the gravity and the wires will bolt me to the bed
like i felt next to you, awake silently and terrified
moving through the world on its rolling wheels
drifting down the gray tile corridor
waking up at the final loud crash


i won't let myself understand
cause and effect
since it doesn't explain the way my reflection
looks itself in the eyes harshly
with a hint of devestated affection
through everything, undead