crush

i'd like to go to the hospital
i'll stand in an empty room and think about the last time i looked into their eyes

recently, everyone i got close to's been dying
don't like feeling their last breaths
fluttering my bangs
a ghost
lights in their eyes replaced by the Dim

when they realize i'm in the room they'll assume i'm a patient
standing as if just learning
and wrap me in a robe, in blankets, iv port docked
so i can finally be hydrated

and the gravity will keep me bolted to the bed
moving through the world on its rolling wheels
drifting down the gray tile corridor
waking up at the final loud crash


i won't let myself understand
cause and effect
since it doesn't explain the way my reflection
looks itself in the eyes harshly
with a hint of devestated affection
through everything, undead